I grew up in Kaysville 18 years of my life until we moved to Layton a few miles away my senior year of high school. Changing schools at that point wasn't an option so I am proud to have graduated as a Davis Dart (super lame mascot, but don't get me started on school colors). I've always loved the area I've lived in. It has connected me with my best friends and given me wonderful opportunities. I love musical theater, ballroom dancing, playing the piano, and little kids. I did all of the plays I could at Davis and my senior year my dream came true as I was cast as "Cosette" in Les Miserables. I also loved working at the childcare center on campus. It was honestly the highlight of most of my days at high school. I graduated with high honors in performing arts and education. Currently, I am attending Southern Utah University with a major in Elementary Education (which is subject to change but the plan for now). My first semester I won't lie, I hated college. I missed home and didn't know what to do with myself. But after I joined the ballroom team and started to enjoy my independence I grew to love it and I'm going to miss the school and my friends dearly.
In reference to going on a mission, I'll start by saying it wasn't a part of my plan. I never grew up wanting to be a missionary. Yeah I loved the gospel and I loved sharing it with my friends but it just wasn't in the cards for me. I'm a planner. And when I got to college I planned out classes for my next 4 years there. I had considered going on a Performing Arts Mission in Navoo, Illinois and I even got my entire audition tape ready to submit, and it was at that time I felt I was being prompted to "think" about going on a full-time mission. The voice didn't tell me to go but just to ponder and consider it. It was about a year ago from now. I think the Lord knew that it would take me a year to get my nerve up to make a decision. It was my decision, because there were countless times where I asked what He wanted me to do, but I always came back to the conclusion that He wanted me to do what I wanted to do. That was very frustrating for me. As my testimony has grown I've learned that I am completely willing to do whatever the Lord wants me to do, I trust him with all my heart, but he wasn't telling me. It helped me realize there is an interplay between God's will and our agency. I believe that no matter what anyone does they can't screw up God's plan that badly, and he knew this choice would be beneficial for me to make to learn for myself what I wanted, and give me an opportunity to choose. Ultimately, I don't think going on a mission or not would really alter my future too much, but it is what I want. I want the growth. I want to learn. I want to be challenged. I want to teach others. I want them to come to Christ the same way I did.
It was a unique experience making my decision. I kept hoping that I would have this moment where I received an answer, get some sign that this was right. I prayed a lot. I read blogs by missionaries, read conference talks, read my scriptures, talked to my bishop, my family even went on a church history trip and I prayed in the sacred grove! Of all places to recieve an answer. Looking back, I did get subtle answers. It was slight nudging that told me to "just do it" "why wouldn't you?" Things like that. When people asked me about it, it was so hard to actually say the words, "I'm going on a mission." because I didn't want to say it if it wasn't true. I decided I would just start my papers and if it didn't feel right, I would stop. I started attending mission prep, and the more I filled out, the more confident I felt. Most things about my future scare me, but this didn't. I felt that everything would work out and I wouldn't have to worry about leaving family, school affairs, or anything. So I decided to take a leap of faith and just do it.
So with 4 days left... how am I feeling you may ask? I honestly don't know... I mean I got a little emotional on the last day I left Cedar City, and I got emotional a few nights ago when I was with my family. But I still feel like it hasn't hit me yet that I'm actually leaving. It probably won't until I see my family driving away. I hope I'm ready. I feel like because It doesn't feel real I haven't felt the pressure to prepare. I have no idea what I'm doing. Ahhhhh. This will be an adventure. I know that I'll have time to learn and prepare, but I want to be good at it now. I hope I'm ready. Wish me luck!
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